All stress is felt in our bodies, whether categorized as emotional or physical stress. Our bodies produce chemicals that prime and carry us through situations that cause tension. This tension may come about when we feel frustrated or angry or invalidated. Stress may be a result of a near miss on the roadway, or from being hit by a baseball during a Saturday afternoon game. Stress can be triggered by an adoption agency saying they can’t find your records, or a judge telling you your argument for access is inadequate, or that an intermediary will cost hundreds of dollars.
Some of the physical side effects of searching may present as:
- Insomnia
- Stomachache/nausea
- Headache
- Exhaustion
- teeth grinding
- Muscle tension
- Low back pain, general aches and pains
- Chest pressure or a racing heart
- Feeling restless
- development or exacerbation of tics like eye twitching, etc.
- Nightmares and other sleep disturbances
- Rash
- High blood pressure
- dizziness or shaking
These are all physical manifestations related to stress. You may find yourself feeling none of these, or some combination of all of them. They may last a moment, or seem to be unending.
The physical symptoms of stress are caused by chemicals released in our bodies when we feel anxious, fearful, intimidated, excited or threatened. They are all part of what is also termed Arousal. In these circumstances, our body reacts to a stimulus with a release of stress hormones which include cortisol and adrenaline, the same hormones involved in our fight, flight or freeze reaction. This is your lizard brain in action, the oldest part of the human brain, involved in survival of the organism. The organism that is us. The lizard brain is our rapid response, our unthinking response.
Meanwhile, our prefrontal cortex, our analytical brain, is lagging behind a bit. This younger portion of our brain needs a few seconds to access information, make connections, consider the wisest course of action. Sometimes our ancient brain and our young brain are in agreement. Sometimes they disagree. Loudly. Both have the ultimate goal of keeping us alive. They just developed at different paces in response to changes in environmental challenges. Punching and running may make perfect sense when we survive in highly dangerous surroundings, but is frowned upon in, say, a classroom. The difficulty can be differentiating between the right responses.
When I consider the relationship with our survival instincts from the perspective of an adopted person, these physical sensations make perfect sense. A child alone is a vulnerable organism. Adoption can be lived out in many different ways, but all have relinquishment at their root. All involve some degree of trauma, and trauma is experienced in our bodies as a form of tension, of stress. How greatly each person feels this stress varies from person to person, from one stage of life to the next.
Studies are increasingly demonstrating that there is no true mind/body barrier. Our emotional and physical bodies do not operate separately from one another. All is chemical and electrical. Our bodies, us as organism, function by processing external and internal stimuli through internal chemical and electrical response. When we feel existentially threatened, our feelings result from that survival brain alerting us and preparing us to respond. When circumstances demand stillness as the right way to survive, we still have to cope physically and emotionally with the consequences of a rapid dump of hormones into our systems. Our body says run, our thinking brain says we must stand quietly and obediently in order to appear calm and in control. A release of adrenaline revs you up, which is why you feel twitchy and your heart races. You may find yourself clenching your fists, your muscles tightening in preparation for flight. At some point, you may feel yourself beginning to shake. Later, when the adrenaline wears off, you can feel headaches and exhausted. This is normal. This is your body working to keep you alive.
I write all of the above after reading many questions from adoptees who fear there is something wrong with them because they are grappling with physical symptoms of stress while navigating the myriad laws and processes of applying for and receiving their adoption records. I want to tell them, to tell you- this is normal. Now, does normal mean inevitable? Or that you must resign yourself to headaches, stomachaches, general physical misery? No. Recognizing the source is simply the first step in learning and practicing healthy coping mechanisms.
A caveat: you may need to see a doctor. Stress can cause medical issues that are best treated with medical interventions. Or the cause may not be stress, there may be something else going on. Don’t put off taking care of yourself because you worry you will sound like a hypochondriac. If you suffer from lack of access to adequate healthcare, but can get online or on a phone, please try looking into free clinics and resources in your area. I know healthcare is a huge problem. My hope here is to provide reassurance that seeking help is okay, that feeling stressed out is no joke, and that this search process can be both emotionally and physically challenging. To me, the two are two sides of the same coin, not separate coins.
What are some ways to cope with stress?
- Pay attention to how your body is reacting in a challenging situation. Do you clench your jaw? Hunch your shoulders?
- Practice tightening and then releasing your muscles. Start at your forehead and work your way all the way down to your feet. Pay attention to how the muscles feel when tensed. Pay attention to how the muscles feel when released.
- Practice meditation breathing. Take a big, deep breath. Inhale for three seconds, hold the breath for two seconds, exhale for a count of four seconds. Place you palm flat against your stomach. When you inhale, feel your stomach expand. This will help you ensure you are breathing deeply.
- Get out in nature.
- Pet a cat, or a dog, or a rabbit, or a hamster.
- Exercise
- Eat a balanced diet
- Stay well hydrated
- Try to get enough sleep! Naps count
- Keep a journal. Write letters to people that you never have to send. Write them for you.
- Laugh
- Hang out with other people who you feel safe with
- Therapy and support groups
- Give yourself permission to feel your feelings
- Find a creative outlet
- Volunteer for a cause you feel passionately about
You don’t have to do all of these things. Find the ones that work for you. Be kind to yourself. You are worth the effort. You may or may not feel varying degrees of physical and emotional discomfort as you deal with the challenges of acquiring your adoption records. These are normal responses to often difficult circumstances.
The disclaimer I am told I need to include here:
I am not a therapist, nor am I a health care professional. My educational background is in Psychology, Drug and Alcohol Counseling, Conflict Resolution and Emergency Response Practices, but I do not currently practice. All of the information about stress and it’s effects on our minds and bodies is readily available online and in textbooks. I strongly encourage all people dealing with stressful situations to seek appropriate professional advice, which is why I am a huge proponent of therapy, proper nutrition and exercise practices and medication when needed. When researching online for advice on dealing with stress, please make sure to consult credible sources. The Information here was primarily taken from sources such as Webmd, the University of Berkeley, the National Institute for Health and the National Institute for Mental Health.
https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/mindful_breathing
https://medlineplus.gov/stress.html
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/stress/
The Adoption Files 
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