Adoptee Blogs

I believe words matter. Voices matter. While we may not all be in agreement about how to reform this thing called adoption, or see eye to eye on how to approach search and reunion, or be in the same place in our journeys, we all have stories to share. We can, as the saying goes, “take the meat and leave the bones.” Unless, like me, you don’t eat anything that has a brain. For us, the saying might be “enjoy the orange but spit out the seeds”?

I believe writing is a great form of therapy, also. By writing our stories we learn about ourselves, we take the pain and confusion, put the emotion on paper, and can then integrate those experiences into our larger narrative.

I think reading other peoples writing can be very therapeutic as well. More than one adoptee has shared with me how impactful they found reading fellow adoptees blogs and memoirs and articles.

There are many, many blogs available on-line. The abundance can be overwhelming. My goal here is not to provide an exhaustive list. I simply, can’t. I am bound to leave someone out, not from dislike but from ignorance. I welcome readers to provide additional blog information in the comments. I will add them to the list as I have time.

A final note: if you are touched by something you read; encouraged, feel seen, or have the answer to a question, please let the blogger know. Laying themselves out there for others to see can be a very scary endeavor. Many bloggers write from a sense of compulsion, from a desire to help, from a need for validation or curiosity. Whatever the reason, hearing kind feedback may be the one thing that person needs to keep going, keep stretching and growing, keep navigating these tricky waters.

Thank you, and happy reading!

  • Signedsealedadopted.com
  • Juliemcgueauthor.com/blog
  • Megam-author.com/blog
  • Wanderingtreeadoptee.com
  • Stoleninplainsight.weebly.com
  • Ellecuardaigh.com
  • LorahGerald.com
  • Noapologiesforbeingme.blogspot.com
  • Adoptionmytruth.com
  • AnneHeffron.com
  • Dearadoption.com
  • Thelostdaughters.com
  • Pamelakaranova.com
  • Adopteeson.com
  • Stricklandp.Wordpress.com
  • Myadopteetruth.com
  • Transracialeyes.Wordpress.com
  • Declassifiedadoptee.com
  • Intercountryadopteevoices.com
  • Theadoptedones.Wordpress.com
  • Redthreadbroken.Wordpress.com
  • Yoursecretmystory.Wordpress.com
  • Adoptiontriaddance.Wordpress.com

Published by andestanley

Hi. I'm Ande. My name is pronounced On-dee. In 1999, I learned that my feelings over the years that something was a wee bit off in my family was ACTUALLY True. In my thirties, I accidentally discovered that I am an International, Stranger Adoption. Think adult woman locked in a restaurant handicapped stall, trembling, sobbing, dripping snot, wondering why her "mom" would consider a Fresh Choice an appropriate venue for confirming her suspicions. After returning home from that little humiliation, I began what I think of as The Great Paper Chase. This blog is about that chase. A little from the legal perspective, but primarily from the emotional and physical. Over the years, I managed to find a slew of clueless people, and a few well informed individuals, who helped me navigate applying for and receiving my paperwork. I encountered almost zero people able to help me with the arguably more important side of adoptee-dom. How do I cope with how all of this makes me FEEL? When I am feeling infantilized, what do I do? When I can hear my heart pounding in my ears and my head feels like it may explode into a hundred dangerous bone shards and a whole lot of squishy mess, how do I calm myself? Am I crazy for wanting my file, my original birth certificate, my proof of existence? How do I find the courage to open this damn envelope? Now that the envelope is open, what do all these squiggly lines actually mean?! Will I feel this guilt, fear, grief, shame, anger…forever?! I decided to start this blog as a way to explore the emotional and physical challenges of seeking our identities and adoption files, as part of community. I don't think of this as My blog. I think of The Adoption Files as Our blog. Our place to ask the questions, discuss the emotions, validate one another and plot the next steps in the journey. Along the way, I will share some of my experiences as a Late Discovery, International, Stranger Adoptee trying to make sense of the lies, the application forms, the attitudes and the consequences of reclaiming myself. I hope to hear from others as they apply for, receive or are denied thier paperwork, summon the courage to open those envelopes or emails, and read and reread the contents of those communications. I also hope to wheedle a few interviews with professionals in the legal and mental health and physical health communities who have valuable insights into how we, as Adopted people, can recognize the need for, implement and maintain healthy coping strategies so we can come through this process healthier and stronger than when we began. The goal is empowerment. The goal is also connection. Adoption life, what I think of as The In-Between, can be incredibly lonely. I have benefitted greatly in recent years from the discovery of this whole online world of Adoptees finding our voices and forming connections and sharing our stories. Every single one of them has helped me along the way, whether they know this is so or not. They amaze me every single day. If you are reading this, know that you are amazing. You are inspiring. You are not alone. We are United in more ways than we can imagine. Just one of those things that unite us is that we all have some form of paperwork, some absence of it, some document we are seeking. Now, let's talk about that paperwork.

11 thoughts on “Adoptee Blogs

  1. While mine isn’t written from the perspective of the adoptee…I write quite a bit about adoption from the birth parents perspective, always loving and respectful towards all sides of the triad, but also very honest.
    I agree there is quite a lot of content out there, it can be hard to comb through!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Have you thought about putting together a list of blogs written by parents who have relinquished children to adoption? Those voices are important, also. I think the idea that parents give up their kids to “ better lives” and then just move on, no problem, is both wrong, for the majority of mothers, and dismissive of their grief. Thoughts?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. One of the thing that upsets me the most is the lack of a voice that we have as birth/biological parents. There is almost no content at all out there written by us or for us. It’s very frustrating because it is extremely dismissive of our feelings. One of my good friends (another birth mom) actually self published a book about her journey through placement and her grief afterwards. Her publisher actually laughed at her for wanting to get it published because she said “there will never be a market for this”. Jokes on her though, because the book actually did very well.
        That’s actually one of the reasons why my therapist is encouraging and helping me to write my own book, because having no content from our perspective is so difficult.
        It makes us feel like our feelings don’t matter, and it doesn’t give adoptees a chance to know what other birth families might have felt on their journey.
        I can assure you, we do not just move on. Ever.

        Like

      2. It took me a long time to understand that my mother still lives with the trauma. I feel like it makes really seeing or hearing me close to impossible. My adoptive parents also adopted another child. In talking with his mom, I learned how hard it has been for her to process what she has lived with. She told me she knows many parents who never find peace. I think it’s incredibly sad. Just as being adopted never stops affecting me, giving up a child never stops affecting the parent. I am glad more parents are speaking up. The public needs to know how much harm is done, rather than promoting the fairy tales. I hope I get to read your book some day! Hugs

        Like

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